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December 19th, 2004
02:43 am - "I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!" -Buddy the Elf
Teacher Certification exams are a waste of 88 dollars and four hours of my time. I finished my last two today (hopefully) and then can move on to better things.
Tonight we had a girls night, which was so fun. I miss hanging out with my Obeses, just Jen B, Lau, and JC. I was the DD and they got wasted, which was hysterical. We also did our stalking of Ken which was like we were back in middle school. At the bar though we saw so many people that we graduated, all of which still thought they were too cool for all of us to even look at them. I can't believe how arrogant some people still are. I really don't miss high school at all.
I miss my Cortland girls a lot, especially when getting ready to go out tonight. Even though I miss them though, I'm so excited that I'm getting to spend so much time with all my friends from home.
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December 17th, 2004
02:33 am - "Bony's got no heat!!" -Jen B
I finally got to get out of the house today. I was really excited, everyone here is so cranky. Beanie will be home soon and I'm excited. I miss her a lot and I like spending time with her. She makes me laugh and she makes me happy.
I hung out with Jen B and Brian tonight, which is always fun. It reminds me of old times before everyone had boyfriends and girlfriends, and we only had each other. Though, I love the new additions to our group.
Hardly any of my teachers have posted grades yet, and I'm quite frustrated. I don't even have their information to email them or call them if I needed to. Way to be prepared, Kristen. I definitely should have brought home each syllabus knowing the scatterbrains I have as teachers.
My ice cream addiction is ending now, with this half gallon of Breyer's chocolate ice cream. It's almost done and I won't touch another for a long time. My poor body... I let the liver take a rest when I come home from the lack of alcohol, but I fill up the stomach with ice cream and bad foods.
Christmas means sadness this year, because Erin no longer believes in Santa Claus. I cannot even express how upsetting this is for me, that The Excitement will no longer be in the air.
I can't wait for the 22nd. It promises to be exciting.
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December 14th, 2004
10:23 pm - "I had no sexual income whatsoever" - Cousin Beanie
It's so weird how you can have all these intentions and excitements over how something is going to turn out, and then it just DOESN'T. You just learn for the next time, I suppose.
I put up the Christmas tree all by myself again this year, except Erin starting complaining half way through because she wasn't allowed to help because she had to finish her homework. Then Allison started complaining about her car not being fixed, and then somehow there was shouting. Being home is always nice for about ONE DAY before everyone's problems start surfacing and I just want to get out of the house. Too bad I am under house arrest because of the stupid dentist and his "I don't go to work on Wednesdays or Fridays" thing. Way to inconvenience the princess, geez.
I think I want to watch some TV.
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December 10th, 2004
12:24 pm - "Smiling's my favorite!" - Buddy the Elf
I think it was an Everybody Loves Raymond Episode, where Debra told Ray, "If you were to have one mentral cramp, you'd kill yourself." As I lay in my bed last night in fetal position clutching my pillows I thought of all my boy friends and if they'd be able to handle to pain without squealing. The answer was n-o. Ladies are brave.
I love being home around the holidays. Especially when I drive up to the house after a four and a half ride from Cortland and see the outside of the house all lit up, and then come inside and find the house all decorated. And, I absolutely love Christmas music, but MY Christmas music, and I hate commercials. Those are my qualms about WALK 97.5's selections. They play the same songs, which are stupid, and then have 80 commercials. I'll be content with my Clay Aiken, thank you very much.
I have all this crap to do before I go back to school in a month, and I know the month will go by so quickly. Student teaching is just around the corner. I'm excited to be back with my kiddies, though. Side note, I received $60 dollars for my all my books. If you could see how many I carried into the bookstore, you'd be upset to. I have things to do now.
I saw Jen B, Brian, and Dan last night and it was nice. I'm excited to go to the boys' Christmas work party, that should be interesting! Open bar, woooo.
Current Mood:  sick
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November 7th, 2004
04:05 pm - "That girl just peed in the sink" - Lauren
My dad always says that my role here is to be a student. He goes to work each day, and comes home to be a father who provides for his family- that is his role. Because my role is a student, I am supposed to put my whole heart into doing it right, because that's what a person should do. Don't half-ass it. He tells me all the time that I'm an over-achiever, but he has no idea how many times I slip by and get good grades because they let us do re-writes. Sure, I'm not happy with a B, even an A-. That doesn't mean I'm an overachiever.
When I talk to Mom on the phone she tells me to do the best that I can, and that is all that she asks. She's been telling me that since I was in fourth grade and learned from Mrs. Rosofsky that my weak spot was math word problems. From then on I had anxiety attacks everytime I came across a word problem. So when I sit and reflect, realizing that in fact my only role as a human being right now it to be a student, yet I BS a paper so I can sit on my ass and watch TV for hours at a time to "relax", what the hell am I relaxing from? I think I have to get my head back on, here...
I talked to my dad the other night on the phone, and he gave me the "I'm really proud of you" speech. I almost cried. I feel like I owe these papers that I'm procrastinating on to him, the guy who works so much harder than he should so that we get what we want. I guess I'm just feeling guilty right now, that I'm not pulling my weight as the family member who is becoming college educated with good grades that my parents can brag about at the family bar-b-ques. That's really the only role I've ever had in a family of 28 grandchildren. I go away to school, and I get A's. I'm not the pretty one, I'm not the athletic one. I'm the dork.
I feel like it's important to remind yourself what your role is on this Earth. If nothing else, I want to make my parents proud because I think they deserve that out of anyone else in the world, and my simple getting good grades will make them happy. If that's all it takes to put a smile on their face then what am I doing wasting my time writing in this thing for? I have a paper on comparing and contrasting discipline models that looks more impossible than I could ever have imagined it to be waiting on my Microsoft Works screen. Somewhere floating in the Internet is the information that I need to work on my HIV paper on AIDS orphans. I have sixteen chapters of my Elementary Language Arts book to read and write chapter respsonses on. School is though, but that's my job says Dad. He goes to work for ten hours a day, so it's only fair to him that I commit that time to my studies. What else am I doing?
On a lighter note, I have good things coming my way. I'm excited about going home over break, just to get it all started. I think people are always re-inventing themselves, but I feel like I do it all too often.
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October 18th, 2004
01:20 am - "If I only had a brain"
What do you know, I'm confused out of my mind again. I think I need to type these things out if I want to get a good night's sleep. I've never been so critical of myself, and I think the only reason that I am so much lately is because people have been pointing things out to me. I think it's time that I start listening and stop making excuses for myself.
Am I hypocritical? Robby calls me on this all the time. I'm not sure if this is true, of if I just don't defend myself right in the first place, then just agree with the other person's opinion to avoid confrontation. Again, giving myself excuses
I know I judge people too quickly. I often can't see where they may be coming from in other situations, because I'm rather selfish, and not everyone is going to be thinking about me and my feelings all the time.
Am I really working to my potential? Probably not, but I like to have fun too... but is it having fun, or just being completely lazy... I'm just being lazy.
I think it's okay to be alone. Sure, you always want that person that you know is going to send you flowers on your birthday and Valentine's Day, and is always there to cuddle, but there are always other support systems. Family. Friends. I think that you only need a few good friends that you know you can count on. I have those. I am happy.
Are the people I spend my time with poison? If I realize that I am not myself around these people, or they turn me into something that I am not, perhaps they aren't good for me. I think I have to examine my relationships more closely. It's so hard to let go of some people though.
I think the solution is just to be aware of the things you say and do. You aren't going to be able to fix everything, but one step at a time will make you a better person each day. I think that's the ticket. Ya.
Note to self: Get over yourself.
Btw, Happy Birthday Daddy :)
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October 11th, 2004
11:25 pm - "I won't say I'm in love" -Hercules
So I haven't written in this thing in months. Mostly, because it was simply something to keep my occupied with at work during the summer. Oh, how I do not miss those boring days of searching for websites to occupy myself with. I come here to write because there are things on my mind, and what better way to sort them all out.
School is going just fine, as fine as papers and tests will allow it. Relationships with the roomates have reached an equilibrium, or as much as it's going to. People say that you "learn who you are" during your 20's, and I couldn't say I believed "them" until this semester. It's such a complicating task, trying to figure out your personality traits. I'm working on a lot of things, but I like a lot of things, too.
The weekend my friends came up was great. So therapuetic. There's just something about the way BigN is. I like it. I wish we could have had a bigger party for them, but maybe another weekend. I also remembered, once again, how blessed I am to have the family that I do.
So, what has been bothering me. I've realized that I believe in Signs. Usually, the negative ones. But I ask you, is that such a bad thing? Holding onto false hope isn't healthy, and that's just my way of bringing me back to reality...right?
Current Mood:  confused
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August 13th, 2004
09:24 am - "Ru-fi-oooooo" - Hook
Yesterday was such a random day at work. I worked from 8-11:30, then went to lunch. I came back after an hour and went to this park thing to make punch for an art exhibit, stayed there for an hour and a half and "laddeled" the punch, then I got to leave at 2:30. It was so extremely weird. I was locked upstairs because my sister's tutor was there and I fell asleep in her bed watching television. I woke up and it was rainy and dark... I looked at the clock and it said 8:05, and I was like, "oh no, i am late for worrrrrrk." Then I just stared at the clock and read over and over, "Pm, Pm, Pm" and realized that it was not 8:05 in the morning, but 8:05 at night. I had assumed since I have not gotten any sleep lately that perhaps I just slept through the night. I woke up because Robby called. We decided nothing was going on though.
Last day of work, hooray!
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August 12th, 2004
08:13 am - "Cuz I love your smile." - Shanice (I think)
I thought yesterday after work was going to be very boring. My new nap thing during my lunch break has really had me rested for the evening festivities. Unfortunately, I didn't have very good timing and summer's almost over. After work I was planning on taking a nap, so I snuggled with my quilt and watched some television. I turned out not to be tired so I was just slugging around the house bored out of my mom. I looked at my very silent cell phone and posed a question to my mom, "Why does no one call meeeeee. Doesn't anyone love meeee?" She responded, "Well do YOU call anyone?" I said that I do not. Honestly, it means much more if you get all the calls instead of needing to call all the time. Just on cue, five minutes later Robby's personalized ring starts screaming and I proved to my mom that I am special.
Robby and I wanted to do something, as we realize our days are slowly dwindling. We called everyone and organized ANOTHER poker night. Three out of the last four nights we have played. Surprisingly enough, it takes up the entire night and most of us only end up wasting five dollars at the most. We went to Allie's house and even her brother joined in! The two of them were digging in their family's money tin to keep buying chips to play, it was great. We ended up leaving at like 3 am and I had a profit of about 2 dollars. Woohoo! Robby and Jackie were the big winners, again.
So it was another 3 hour sleep night and I woke up completely exhausted this morning as usual. I treated myself to a fatty Hot Chocolate from Starbucks. Tonight I have to babysit Erin though, so I will be staying in the night and resting myself up for the big weekend.
I'm looking forward to next week, because I will be off from work, woohoooo. Me and Robby are planning on going surfing, and working on my "tan." The other day when I was going in the shower I happened to notice a bruise on the back of my leg, and I'm thinking, "where did I get this monsta?" Then I realized, it was my SUNBURN from eight weeks ago when we went to the beach! My lone stop of sunburn turned into a "tan" which was like a black and blue mark. Robby and I were talking, and we think it would be funny if my whole body turned like that and I went back to school with people staring at me like what is wrong with that girlllll?
This morning driving to work I saw the Smithtown Crazy Man, or Guitar Man, as we like to call him. I usually see him walking down Main Street, but today he was a little farther East, more down Middle Country Road and he was taking his socks off and not doing anything but talking to himself, as always. I originally thought that he was shouting at me, but I realized, "Of course not! He just ALWAYS looks crazy." Matt suggested that the cops should take him away, but I think I'd be saddened by that. What fun is being in an amazing town if you don't have a crazy man to look at and see in your stores.
Current Mood:  peaceful
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August 11th, 2004
08:31 am - "You drive so much better now. You can actually talk and drive at the same time!" -Beanie
Beanie passed her road test yesterday, hooray!! Now she is finally like the rest of college kids across America. This means she can just drive herself anywhere and doesn't have to be couped up in the house all the time. Too bad summers almost over, though.
So I thought my alarm wasn't working, but apparently it does, and just fine, but I don't hear it beeping. My mom came in this morning and shut the door because apparently I kept turning off the buzzer. I didn't even realize. Heavy sleeping, I suppose.
Yesterday after work Robby came and got me in the convertible (woohoo!) and we went to the mall for him to do some back to school shopping. I've decided that shopping for boys is so boring, because all the shirts look the same, just in different colors. I'm so happy that I'm a girl and can wear different prints, colors, styles, and textures.
We met some peeps for din at Friday's, and then went to the movies to see Colateral. I was not interested in the movie, and my sleepiness got the better of me. I curled up in the seat and took a nap for about an hour. The last half hour was exciting, I suppose. I realllly liked the Japanese club music they were playing in one scene. It made me want to get up and dance. Alas, it was a movie theater, and that kind business is not permissible.
Just two days of work after today. I really cannot wait. I just want to be able to sleep in for a while, and be able to stay up as late as I want because I don't have to worry about waking up at the crack of dawn. Then there's the going back to school thing, too. :)
Current Mood:  lethargic
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